Complicated hey?

So turns out things weren’t quite ready to slow down just yet!

This week has been good, but the complications are still here, and to be honest, I think they always will be, I’m just learning new tactics about how to process them all.

Friday night all three of my kids went to a friends for a sleep over and my hubby and I went to see Dark Shadows (I won tickets!) so we had a night out that cost us $11 (can’t go to the movies without Popcorn!) came home and started madly making things for Nick’s surprise party.

Saturday we picked the youngest two up, and Nick stayed at our friends to “help her out” while we set up. When I went to pick him up for the party he still had no idea, and as I pulled in the driveway I made him close his eyes, I helped him up the front steps and when we got him inside he opened his eyes and everyone yelled “SURPRISE!” The look on his face was priceless, he went bright red and gave me the biggest hug.. it was such a beautiful moment, and I must admit I teared it up a bit!

I made these super cool cupcakes, spagetti and meatballsImage

which Nick adored! and my hubby made him a train cake, which Nick also loved.. but lets just say, there weren’t any cupcakes left ūüėČ

Sunday was an almost lazy day, we watched Nick play footy and then chilled out and listened to the rain, I could do that all day!!

Monday saw my husband going back to work, after a week off for tonsilitis, My stepson Nick was back off to his Mother’s for the week and my 2 children (Aanya and Aramis) were off to school.

Tuesday, was amazing! I have found out from Shannon Noll‘s ¬†management team that I will get to meet him, in PERSON when he comes to my home town in September.. I screamed… and screamed.. and then screamed. My heart was pounding like you seriously would not believe, and for the rest of the night not a lot was absorbed into my brain! ¬†

Wednesday I headed on down to my local¬†Theater¬†where Shannon will be preforming, to see if the tickets were on sale yet (a woman was SUPPOSED to notify me as soon as they came up for sale) only to find out, yes they are for sale… but there are only TWO seats left in the front row and they can’t reserve them for me.. I had $70 to last me the week.. (after having hubby in hospital and Nick’s birthday my purse was empty) I had gone from being on a complete HIGH to hitting the bottom, rolling a little and then falling over the side. To say I was sad would be an understatement. I went to visit a friend and cried and cried… I was talking in such a high pitch voice and was talking so fast I’m surprised she could understand me!¬†

This beautiful friend of mine went over to an ATM and withdrew the money so that I could get front row tickets! I was so excited, back on a high again!  

Wednesday was Nick’s 12 birthday… We were all really excited. I had to go to his school before picking him up and have a meeting with his Mother and the Hearing¬†Impairment¬†co-ordinator. I felt like I had been doing 15 rounds with Mike Tyson. ¬†I was so drained. I could really have a whole blog dedicated to how much this woman makes things complicated, but there seriously is not enough words in the English language to fully explain how exaspareted I feel when I have to constantally deal with lies, deception and sheer stupidity,

Anyway, so today, Thursday in my part of the world, I weighed myself.. I really didn’t want to because last week I didn’t loose a thing, but OMG I am so proud of myself! I am down 2.3kgs and I did my best effort on the wii so far. ¬†I did 9 mins of Yoga first, I’m really enjoying the stretching, not the hardcore stuff just the palm tree, warrior and sun salutation. I then moved on to the step areobics and then set it up so I could do 20 mins of free stepping whilst watching Supernatural.¬†

I almost gave up when the remote told me I had only been going for 5 mins. At the 10 min mark, I really wanted to whip this chirpy voice’s butt.. by 15mins, I had started talking back to it! Thankfully when the 20mins had finished I had enough marbles left to sit down and¬†realize¬†what I had just achieved. I had almost done 30 mins (was 29mins) of¬†exercise, and REAL¬†exercise, none of this “I’m walking to the fridge” business… and I actually felt good.. who would have thought hey?

So tonight I’m sitting here typing and you know what? I actually feel good about myself. I feel like maybe I do have something to offer this world, and maybe I’m good enough to make it listen! I’m still struggling with my mirror work, well that’s stretching the truth, struggling implies I’m attempting it. I still have not managed to pick the darn thing up and look into the mirror and say “I love you” but I think tonight may just be the night!

Today also had some down points, my hubby was back at the doctor again, he has¬†tonsillitis, finished taking the antibiotics 3 days ago and it’s reared it’s ugly head already! Thankfully this time we caught it before he couldn’t breathe properly! So please keep your fingers crossed for me that his Doctor can remove them soon!

But tomorrow is another day, and I’m loving that I’m able to share my thoughts with you all.. I haven’t given up on posting a song either.. am tossing up between Jace Everett’s “Bad Things”, Alannah Myles “Black Velvet” or Shannon Noll’s “Switch me on”.

So watch this space, cos I’m coming back next week!

Love 

Savvyannah

xxxx

By savvyannah

Off to a good start

I can’t wait for May to be finished! Goodness me what topsy turvy month it has been!

Here’s the brief run down:

Found out my 5yo son has a blockage in his bowel (much better than the diabetes they suspected) He’s been on meds now for 2 weeks and is starting to make progress.

Finally started making progress with my daughter Miss 9 (almost 27 lol) anxiety issues and sleeping issues.

Began my weightloss journey.. ¬†Here’s my vision poster:Photobucket

Just to explain it a bit: ¬†The roller coaster is because I want to go on the RollerCoasters in QLD with my family and have FUN.. The Love is about Loving myself, The two dresses are because when I sing at my friends wedding in Feb next year they are the type of dresses I would like to wear. The family jogging is because I want to be active with my family. The jogger is because I want to be able to run and jog without falling over. ¬†I have placed Adele on there because I want to be able to sing again, full of confidence and not hide. ¬†The Fresh fruit and vegetables are because I eat a lot of crap and don’t like a lot of healthy foods.. so I really want to change my eating habits and enjoy what I eat. ¬†The underwear is because I want to be able wear sexy stuff like that and not want to turn the lights off. ¬†I’ve written “I am 75kg” because that’s my goal weight.

and the most recent installment:

My husband was hospitalised last night with severe tonsilitis.. the poor guy, his tonsils were so swollen they were touching each other. ¬†He’s home now (thank fully) He’s been giving a referal to see a ENT surgeon to have his tonsils removed, which I am so grateful for. ¬†This is the 3rd time this year he’s had tonsilitis, and it’s gotten worse each time.

Next wednesday my stepson is turning 12.. so for something different we have decided to give him a “surprise party” at home with family and close friends.

Nick has had a rough year, he has been bullied a fair bit, and the worst part was it was from his only friend. So knowing he doesn’t have any friends to invite I ¬†decided to invite all his Aunties & Uncles and some close family friends as well as the Grandparents.. I am hoping that Nick can see just how special he really is.

My weight loss journey hasn’t been so brilliant since around Friday-ish.. I had a minor throat infection and then with Aaron getting sick I sort of didn’t handle stress levels to well.. but saying that I only had two 600ml cokes, instead of having a 2lt coke so go me!

I’m currently trying to motivate myself to do some form of excercise.. my Husband is curled up in the lounge so the wii is out of the question, it’s freezing cold outside right now so I’m not keen on going out doors..

I think while my 5yo is at Auskick this afternoon I will use that time to walk around the football oval. I have to be outside then anyway, so I may as well do something for myself while I am at it.

I’m off to scour recipe books, and to spend some time with my hubby.

Love

Savvyannah

By savvyannah

Over the first hurdle

Last night was my first “Change your thinking, love your body slim” class. ¬†I was online for 2 hours with some other ladies from QLD and one fellow South Aussie.¬†

I can see there are parts of this I am going to love and then there’s the not so much lovin’ parts. ¬†One of the things I really struggle with is the Mirror work. I am required to look in a mirror and say “I love myself” for so many years loving myself simply hasn’t been an option. ¬†It was something my Father used to yell at me and sometimes hit me for because I “Loved myself” I still haven’t been able to do it yet today, but before I go to bed, I am going to look in that mirror and say it. I know it’s going to be hard (which is ridiculous because it’s just words…) but I want this and I’m not giving up.

I AM SAYING GOODBYE TO THIS WEIGHT PERMANENTLY.

Today I started on my wii fit.. Holey Moley… I lasted 17 minutes.. I know it’s a poor effort but I was boxing and walking and marching ¬†the whole time, and it’s 17 more minutes of¬†exercise¬†than I would have done last week. So tomorrow, I’m going to go for 20mins and by next weds, I hope I’m doing 30mins.

One of the other things we’ve been asked to do is create a treasure map. A treasure map is a sheet of paper that has pictures of things we want to happen. I’m going to put on there photos of a Kelley Armstrong Cafe Press Jumper I really want.. my husband wants to buy it for me, but I want to like wearing it, I want to look good wearing it, so it has become one of my goals.

Another goal I have is: I want to be able to fit on a roller coaster.. Now I’m not sure I don’t fit, but I don’t want to take the chance.. I won a holiday for family to go to the Gold Coast in Queensland and we are taking the kids to Movie World, and I am scared that I won’t be able to fit on the rides.. so a photo of one of the rides is going on there too.

The next picture to go on there is a funky gorgeous dress.. I’ve been asked to sing at a close friends Wedding next February and I want to look good when I sing.. and I want to be able to hit those high notes so loosing weight is going to help that… so on it goes!

The last picture going on there will be one of a family chasing a ball or some sort of physical family activitity. I want to be able to play with my kids and not be out of breathe… so on it goes.

Thanks again for sharing this journey with me.. and don’t despair, my blog isn’t always going to be about my weight loss!

Blessings!

Savvyannah 

By savvyannah

The Battle continues..

I’ve always had a weight problem.. even before I was over-weight if that makes sense? I guess I was conditioned from a young age to be worried about my weigh and eventually my fears became my reality.

Since having my youngest, (just over 5 years ago) my weight has ballooned.. a few different things have contributed to it, some of it is diet &¬†exercise, some of it stress (when I’m stressed out I simply can not eat, which is mental I know, but I can’t.. and this can last up to 3 days before I can stomache something) and some of it is¬†varying¬†medical issues¬†I’ve¬†had over the years along with a really crappy metabolism. ¬†Another issue I have with my weight is I eat my emotions.. depending on how I feel used to govern what I put inside of my mouth. ¬†

I’ve started feeling worse about myself than usual, I haven’t sung in front of an audience for over 12months, don’t really like to get dressed up and head out, I was starting to feel like I was heading towards that hermit phase, which is terrible for my¬†anxiety.. it makes things so much worse when I feel like I can’t go out in public for fear of a panic attack.

After a lot of soul searching and almost giving up again, I’m trying once again to loose weight. This time though I’m not using methods I’ve tried in the past

  • Dancing
  • Weight loss tablets
  • Stupid diets¬†
  • Dietitian

Instead, I’m trying a whole new tackle on the subject. Tonight I am starting a “Think yourself slim” online course. It’s all about changing how you think and working out WHY you make the choices you do in regards to food,¬†exercise¬†and how this relates to your weight.

I’ve already started making small changes, cutting right back on my soft drink intake (I used to drink coke daily) and I’m being more organised with meals, I find that helps me resist taking the “easy option” which often leans towards take out. ¬†I know these changes alone aren’t enough, but I’m hoping through this course I can find the answers I need as to why I let food have so much control over me, and not me have control over it.

 

I’m really looking forward to starting this journey and sharing it with you all… I know it’s not going to be easy but I really do believe this is going to help me help myself. ¬†Fingers crossed I have the courage to keep sharing this with you all, and I look forward to the moment I can post a photo saying I honestly love how I look..

Thanks for taking the time to read..

Love Savvyannah

 

 

By savvyannah

technology, friendships and learning

I was hoping this week to post a little snippet of myself singing, but sadly the programme doesn’t seem to want to play the game.. so it’s going to be a little while longer in waiting for that one!

This week I’ve found myself thinking a lot about lost friendships and how I feel about it all.. while I firmly believe people come into your life for a reason, I also believe they leave for a reason too.. Sometimes however, that reason isn’t really obvious.

Last year was a huge year in cleansing for me and moving forward with my life.. as I’ve mentioned before I was able to have a lot of dreams come true last year and they’ve been instrumental in how I feel now. Coupled with that I also lost a few friendships, at the time I thought this was awful and I was really upset, but looking back now I can see that these friendship really weren’t that good for me.

The reason I’m writing about these friendships ending is because over the last 12 months I’ve had some new friendships come into my life. These are friendships that I never imagined I would forge such a close bond with, especially over such a small time period. Some of these new friends live in my city, but ¬†one friend is on the other side of the world to me!

Even though she’s just getting up for work when I’m heading off to bed, this friendship is as important to me as all of my other ones. ¬†We have a lot of similar interests, and I love that we can share our love of ¬†our favourite author together (I don’t actually have a friend in Australia who is quite as passionate about Kelley Armstrong’s books as I am).

What fascinates me so much about all of this, is that 15 years ago, this friendship wouldn’t have been option to me. With the way technology has grown we are able to have friends all over the world, and keep in contact with them all. ¬†I am truly¬†grateful¬†for everything this age has brought to me, and to my children.

For instance, last year my daughter had to do a school project on children experience school in other countries, her country was¬†Uganda… now back when I was in school, you would have had the option of encyclopedias, and then when I was in highschool, maybe the computers if you were allowed internet access… but Aanya actually emailed a school in¬†Uganda¬†and interviewed a principal over there.

I was amazed at how easily the information was accessed, and how she was able to connect with this information. Seeing You-tube clips really made her absorb and understand the culture a lot easier and made it “real” this wasn’t just a story to her, she could easily see that their way of life is really different to ours.

I really believe our lives are better for all of the technology available to us, as long as you are responsible with it! It’s just like anything really, it’s not the tool to blame for any problems, it’s all about how you use it.

By savvyannah

Songs and stuff..

I’m toying with the idea of putting a clip on here somewhere of me singing. Not sure if I’m going to do it or not yet, a few things I need to think about first I guess.. firstly I may not like all the comments I get, and secondly, I’m not sure if it’s a bloggy type of thing to do.
As I’ve said before I love singing, I adore singing.. It’s something that can not be taken away from me, while I have air in my lungs I can sing, and I do.
Lately I’ve been belting my lungs out to Adele. I love “set fire to the rain” and “someone like you” and “rolling in the deep” I love nothing better than cranking the music up and singing, I pour my heart into it, and give it everything I have, and for those moments, it’s just me and the music.
Another song I’ve loved singing lately is by one of my favorite Aussie singers, Shannon Noll.. I really admire him, he’s your typical Aussie fella, married has kids, but the difference between my husband and him is he got lucky on Australian Idol and got a break doing what he loves.. It didn’t change him (which is the best part about it I think) anyway the song I love of his at the moment is called “Switch me on” if I can work out how to do a link I’ll link it in for you ūüôā I hope this works!
This song really speaks to me.. I really really relate to it. For me it’s about being in this dark place, not loving myself or thinking I was worthy of another’s love.. And then finding self acceptance, finally embracing my gifts and talents and feeling the complete love we should all have in this world. The surprising thing is, the acceptance never came from where I expected it to, or from where I hoped, but it’s there.

Once I was “Switched on” I felt an entire new world open up to me. One where my dreams can infact come true. For example, in my worlds wildest dreams I’ve always wanted to:

  • Be paid to sing at a bar
  • Sing at a Wedding
  • Have my singing recorded
  • Meet Kelley Armstrong.

Within the space of 12 months, all of these things happened. It was AMAZING, it still makes me smile now. ¬†So when all of this stuff started happening, I began to worry, maybe I was going to cark it soon (hehehehe) So I added more things to my dreams list.. and you guessed it, I’m ticking those babies off too ūüėÄ

This year I am meeting Doreen Virtue, another long time dream, and we are taking the whole entire family to Queensland for a holiday that I WON! so that’s really exciting. ¬†Dreams do come true, but you have to dream them first, that is the true catch!

Perhaps in future blogs I’ll tell you a bit more about the moments where my dreams came true, but for now, I think I’ll leave it at this. Have a wonderful weekend and may every happiness smile down upon you.

Savvyannah xx

By savvyannah

Making progress

Today so far has been a fairly good day. My nephew I look after has been well behaved all day (this in itself is cause for celebration) my husband worked a lot from home so we had a lovely warm lunch that I cooked, a pumpkin and chicken risotto.. (was pretty good) found out I was approved for a Monster High kids party, so they’re sending me $90 worth of freebies for my daughter and her friends…. But the best bit by far was when I was walking out of school with the children.
Under one umbrella I had my 3yo nephew, my 5yo son, 9yo daughter and her best friend.. It was drizzling fairly heavily and we were doing our best to walk as one entity when all of a sudden, miss 9 yelled out “hi Caitlyn, hi Maisy”
She then looked at me and said they were her new friends… I was so happy.. All year she’s been having these awful anxiety issues, she went from being the sort of girl who could stand in front of a crowd of over 300 people and captivate them with her beautiful voice to a timid, shy and anxious little girl who couldn’t sleep, would cry and hyperventilate at school and could not for the life of her express what she felt.
After many nights of holding her while she cried, talking with the school and finally getting her into a counsellor we found out Aanya wasn’t really coping with all of the sudden changes thrust upon her. My husband had a new job, and was no longer working just down the road from her school, close friends had gotten married (we would see them everyday through my husbands work) and had gone on a month long holiday so she hadn’t seen much of them.. She had a teacher that was brand new to the school, and this teacher then got quite sick and they had to have a terms replacement (another brand new teacher) and she was having issues in her friendship circle.
To top this off, my parents had frequently promised to visit and then didn’t arrive, and when mum and dad finally came over in March it had been 2 years since Dad had seen the children, and almost 5 months since Mum had seen them.
So she was feeling very upset and felt like she just didn’t matter. It was heartbreaking and as parents, we both felt awful, not being able to give her an instant solution made me feel inferior and I really felt like I was letting her down.
The support she has been given at school, coupled with support from my husband and myself is finally starting to make a difference, she is now making new friends, and is starting to smile again. I’ve missed that smile so much.
I am so glad that we took her fears and emotions seriously and didn’t just brush them off like I have seen happen with other children. I am glad I trusted my intuition and requested her to see a counsellor, and above all I am glad that I did everything I was capable of to help her.. If nothing else she would see that she mattered to ME.
Sorry for today’s blog being a bit over the place ūüôā

By savvyannah