This isn’t my official post for the week.. I have something nicer planned but I need to vent.
I’ve spoken before about my sister, she is bi-polar, alcoholic and has drug issues as well..
well this week has been a doozy. The last time she got to me was Christmas last year when she abused our Nana, one of my aunties and half a dozen cousins.. she started bad mouthing me on FB (no one really knows why, I can’t even see what she writes) and my dad’s side of the family rose to my defense. It was awful, and some really bad things were said.. my disabled uncle was a mess and my poor Nana almost had a breakdown over it.
This year when my folks came to visit, Mum and I got into a bit of an argument.. You see she feels it’s my fault my sister HAS BI-POLAR…. (yes I am that talented I can give people mental illnesses) it’s my fault she has “issues” (we are not allowed to call her an alcoholic, because “she’s not”.. I think the Dr who told her if she doesn’t stop drinking she will die (due to her liver being so badly damaged) would disagree) and it’s my fault she “can’t help” using drugs… As you may imagine this wasn’t a really good conversation.. I basically said, after all the problems she has caused (the stress had even made me loose hair.. I had 2 massive bald spots) the emotional manipulation she tried on my daughter (who would wake screaming after having nightmares that her auntie had tried to kill her by making her smell gas fumes) I can no longer take it.
There’s more that’s happened, but this is a blog, not a novel so I will skip to this week.
I get a message via my Healings and Readings page on FB saying she loves me and misses me.. well I do love her, and I miss who she used to be.. but I didn’t reply.. I just left it, I’m not ready to speak to her yet… then I got more messages saying she would ring me. This was not good. I started vomiting. This is how much I can’t handle the thought of talking to her.. I physically get ill!! I rang a friend the next day and she came and spent the whole day with me (which was a godsend) and I thought I was in the clear.
Last night, she got stuck into my Nan (again) one of my friends and rang me 16 times in an hour.
Yes we turned my phone off. I unplugged the house phone and my husband listened to and deleted any voice mails she left (7) the last few were threatening to harm herself and end up in hospital if I didn’t speak to her.
I will not be made responsible for her actions.
I love her, if I didn’t none of this would hurt so damn much. But I can’t do it. I can’t have this in my life. I have 3 children I need to protect and I need to be able to be happy, not live my life being shit scared whenever the phone rings. Being abused when I care for my sick child instead of speaking to her on the phone.. Once she even had a go because I love my children more than her.. she has kids.. surely she would understand my children come first every single time. If I have to make sacrifices so their lives are better than I will.. not questions asked.
I’m not saying I’ll never speak to her again. But I am saying, until she is sober for 12 months I don’t want any contact, and when I do I want it my mail, normal mail, not email. This way she can’t just blurt things in anger.. she may not always mean them but I don’t care it still hurts.
Anyway, I’m trying to move on. Trying to lead a happy life. I am focusing on my children, my husband and myself.
Thank you for your support.