Bloody Full Moons

Hi guys.

This isn’t my official post for the week.. I have something nicer planned but I need to vent.

I’ve spoken before about my sister, she is bi-polar, alcoholic and has drug issues as well..

well this week has been a doozy. The last time she got to me was Christmas last year when she abused our Nana, one of my aunties and half a dozen cousins.. she started bad mouthing me on FB (no one really knows why, I can’t even see what she writes) and my dad’s side of the family rose to my defense. It was awful, and some really bad things were said.. my disabled uncle was a mess and my poor Nana almost had a breakdown over it.

 

This year when my folks came to visit, Mum and I got into a bit of an argument.. You see she feels it’s my fault my sister HAS BI-POLAR…. (yes I am that talented I can give people mental illnesses) it’s my fault she has “issues” (we are not allowed to call her an alcoholic, because “she’s not”.. I think the Dr who told her if she doesn’t stop drinking she will die (due to her liver being so badly damaged) would disagree) and it’s my fault she “can’t help” using drugs… As you may imagine this wasn’t a really good conversation.. I basically said, after all the problems she has caused (the stress had even made me loose hair.. I had 2 massive bald spots) the emotional manipulation she tried on my daughter (who would wake screaming after having nightmares that her auntie had tried to kill her by making her smell gas fumes) I can no longer take it.

There’s more that’s happened, but this is a blog, not a novel so I will skip to this week.

I get a message via my Healings and Readings page on FB saying she loves me and misses me.. well I do love her, and I miss who she used to be..  but I didn’t reply.. I just left it, I’m not ready to speak to her yet… then I got more messages saying she would ring me. This was not good. I started vomiting. This is how much I can’t handle the thought of talking to her.. I physically  get ill!! I rang a friend the next day and she came and spent the whole day with me (which was a godsend) and I thought I was in the clear.

Last night, she got stuck into my Nan (again) one of my friends and rang me 16 times in an hour. 

Yes we turned my phone off. I unplugged the house phone and my husband listened to and deleted any voice mails she left (7) the last few were threatening to harm herself and end up in hospital if I didn’t speak to her.

I will not be made responsible for her actions.

 

I love her, if I didn’t none of this would hurt so damn much. But I can’t do it. I can’t have this in my life. I have 3 children I need to protect and I need to be able to be happy, not live my life being shit scared whenever the phone rings. Being abused when I care for my sick child instead of speaking to her on the phone.. Once she even had a go because I love my children more than her.. she has kids.. surely she would understand my children come first every single time. If I have to make sacrifices so their lives are better than I will.. not questions asked.

I’m not saying I’ll never speak to her again. But I am saying, until she is sober for 12 months I don’t want any contact, and when I do I want it my mail, normal mail, not email.  This way she can’t just blurt things in anger.. she may not always mean them but I don’t care it still hurts.

 

Anyway, I’m trying to move on. Trying to lead a happy life. I am focusing on my children, my husband and myself. 

Thank you for your support.

love 

Savvyannah

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By savvyannah

9 comments on “Bloody Full Moons

  1. Sometimes we have to let people go in order to stay healthy. I’ve had to take a step back from family members in the past. Most of the relationships have been repaired, but some have not, but I know that I am better off without the poison. You have to do what’s best for you and your family.

  2. Hi, Tamara.

    It’s a massively tough choice – do you allow your sister back into your life, and cope with the potential explosions and abuse she dishes out to you and your children? Or do you shut her out? I think what you’re doing is actually the responsible choice – you will let your sister back into your life, and the life of your family, when she meets certain conditions. This protects your children, and your family has to come first…

    I take it your sister already knows your ground rules, i.e. sober for twelve months then letter contact only? This is tough love. Your sister’s life is her responsibility – if she wants back in then she has to come as back as an adult, and not someone who is going to unload all her baggage on the family whenever she feels she needs to. If she wants it enough, then it may help give her the push she needs – anyone who acts this way needs help, and your mum’s reaction really is not helpful. Ideally the family should present a strong united front: “We love you, but you need professional help. Get some and we’ll talk…”

    • Hi guys,

      Thank you both for your comments, they do truly help.
      My parents have been made aware of my feelings, and I’ve been told they have been passed onto my sister..
      Sadly my Mums view is “I should be very proud of my sister as she can stop at 3 beers now”. Which was followed by “which is really good, because her husband has been getting drunk a lot lately and has even driven the 4 hr drive home, but your sister stayed calm and only had 4 beers”
      Great stuff… Sad thing is, there are 2 small children involved in all of this and alcohol is being used as a crutch by both parents.. Which is apparently ok, because at least they take it in turns.

      I have begged them to stand with me on the tough love for quite sometime, especially for the children’s sake, but my parents don’t think the same way I do. It’s gotten to the point a few times now where I have had to have a chat with my husband about “what if child protection step in” thankfully, he is happy for me to put my hand up and have my niece and nephew, but my parents have even helped my sister to cover up, because “losing the children would kill her” how about, losing the kids might keep them safe and give her the shove to clean her act up?

      I know I am doing the right thing, it hurts like hell but I have to do it. If she loves and misses me as much as she claims, surely cleaning herself up is something she should aim for.

      Ive been asked many times, how would I feel if she does kill herself and we still aren’t speaking? That hurts.. But I can’t be held responsible for her life. I don’t want her to kill herself, and I don’t want her to drink herself to death either.

      I really want to thank you all for your support, you have no idea how much it helps to have this.. Thank you .

      • Oh and the stopping at 3-4 beers, is at LUNCH TIME! And doesn’t include the wine in the afternoon and who knows what at night.
        We had another phone call last night, this one wasn’t from a blocked number so my husband answered it. She was smashed, so he hung up on her and we switched my phone off.. Thank goodness I haven’t had any calls today.

  3. Hey Savvyannah,
    Just remember the old saying, you can choose your friends but not your family. What you have to do is what you’re doing, look after your and your family’s wellbeing. Being around someone like her is doing them harm and you’re putting them first.

    Thats a sign of a mature and sensible woman. As to your mums pov well, the less said about that the better to be honest. If anything comes of this, just calmly explain to your mum and dad that currently whilst you love everyone very much you’re putting your own family first and making sure that they’re able to cope when dealing with their aunt.

    Being able to explain mental illness is difficult at the best of times so you do the best you can with the circumstances. Just remember all the love there is for you and yours out there and try not to let her get to you. It’ll be hard but your own health and family come first.

    • Thanks Gareth. I know this is what I need to do, and intend to keep doing this.. I love my children enough to make sure their life doesn’t involve anything it shouldn’t.

  4. Issues with family members are the toughest because we can’t easily cut them out of our lives. Surround yourself with those you trust and follow your instincts. It sounds like this is what you’re doing so I hope things work out.

  5. I’ve had to cut out a couple family members and once you’ve done it….it gets easier. Once you realize how much better you feel, how less stressed you are, it made me a happier person – therefore – happier mother to my son and happier wife to my hubs. They never really go away, but there’s some sort of power you gain when you can finally stand up for your own right to a better quality of life. *hugs*

  6. Thanks everyone,
    I really do appreciate every comment from each and every one of you..
    I’m determined to stand firm on this and keep my happiness and that of my family as my primary concern.
    Xx

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